Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
