I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
