i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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