I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize