the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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