I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
