Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
