So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
