she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's blow job season.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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