Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
