I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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