you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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