I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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