So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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