dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We need to get me chipped asap
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
