Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
