Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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