At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
