Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize