Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
