i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
