Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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