For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
