..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
