I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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