Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
