Soap is not a condiment
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize