In the future we'll all be gay
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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