soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
