That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
