i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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