Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
