i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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