Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
