so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
