i just had sex bonerless
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
