That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
