I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
