respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
