so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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