My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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