just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
