Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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