Don't you send me to vm
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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