I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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