btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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