Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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