I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
