you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
