I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
