Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
