Duck Duck Cougar?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
