True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
