Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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