Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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