It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
