im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
