hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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