Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
