Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize