need another drink. this is the easiest way
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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