The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
