You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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